How Narcissists Use “Future Faking” to Lure Victims

A future fakery is actually a form of manipulation that aims to give you a false sense of happiness by making good promises that you want to hear about the future. The idea of ​​”they” having in mind that they will take care of everything can get you into a psychological trap.

the main points:

A future fakery is actually a form of manipulation that aims to give you a false sense of happiness by making good promises that you want to hear about the future. The idea of ​​”they” having in mind that they will take care of everything can get you into a psychological trap. Written by Dr. Eleanor Greenberg Ph.D., CGP

the main points:

Future fakery is a flirting strategy in which the narcissist paints a detailed picture of the wonderful future he or she will have with a partner that is unlikely to happen in reality.

In some cases, narcissists do not intentionally deceive their lovers. They might jump to the deep end very quickly without thinking about how they would frustrate their partner.

Many narcissists are also poor talkers and may use future fakes as a substitute for real conversations.

Future fakery is a flirting strategy in which the narcissist paints a detailed picture of the wonderful future he or she will have with a partner that is unlikely to happen in reality.

In some cases, narcissists do not intentionally deceive their lovers. They might jump to the deep end very quickly without thinking about how they would frustrate their partner.

Many narcissists are also poor talkers and may use future fakes as a substitute for real conversations.

Most normal relationships follow a somewhat predictable pattern. If the religious views of the spouses do not prevent this, then marital dating is having sex, meeting each other’s friends, moving in together, and gradually getting to know each other’s family. Over time, they get more serious about the relationship and get engaged or decide they’re not a perfect fit and break up.

There are variations on this basic pattern, but in general, most people don’t make serious plans for a future together until they both feel fully committed to the relationship. This usually takes a year or two.

However, people with a narcissistic personality disorder do not have normal flirtation. They are so focused on earning you that they speed up and intensify everything. It’s a bit like dating is on adrenaline. Everything the average couple does throughout the year, they do after several dates.

Narcissists rarely stop to assess whether you both are a good fit. Instead, they use a variety of strategies to try to make you fall in love and commit to them before they fully commit to them — even though they’re telling you that you love their life and their ideal partner. It is only after you are fully committed that they decide if you are truly what they want. That in itself is bad, but it gets worse.

Related: How Narcissistic Parents Gaslight Their Children: The Fake Photo On The Mirror Trick

One of the harshest courtship strategies that some narcissists use to break up a new lover involves making detailed, detailed plans with you for a future life together. Most people have heard of “narcissistic love bombing,” which is showering someone with exaggerated compliments and gifts, but not everyone is aware of the “fake in the future.”

Note: I use the terms narcissistic, narcissistic, and NPD as shorthand ways to refer to someone who qualifies for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

What Is Future Faking?

Fake the future is a flirting strategy in which narcissists talk to you in minute detail about all the cool things both of you are going to do together in the future—the cute little restaurant you’ll love, how both of you are going to explore the most romantic cities in the world, or even how many children you both will have and what to name them. The whole time, they seem very enthusiastic and honest.

What makes it fake the future, and not just plan, is that none of this is likely to happen at all. Instead of being on the

The path of bliss, you are now on the path of frustration.

What usually happens is that soon after the narcissist believes that you are fully committed and that you love them, everything starts to change. Now that the chase is over, the good times are dwindling.

Narcissists are not adept at maintaining a normal relationship. During the courtship, they created a positive, dramatic relationship. Now they are starting to create a dramatic negative relationship. Instead of praising you, they start pointing out your flaws. You will feel a sudden coldness and indifference to your feelings. If you stay, you will likely be underestimated, ignored, or ignored.

A future fake is tough because it’s exactly what it sounds like, a big fake. What brought you great happiness in the beginning is likely to end up a

What Does Future Faking Look Like?

Imagine that you are ready for a serious relationship and meet this attractive person on the first date. Everything is moving quickly. By your second or third date, this new person seems to be deeply in love with you. He or she is complimenting everything about you. Your new lover has already decided that both of you are the perfect couple and to your surprise, planning for the future begins with you.

You may be a little hesitant. After all, you hardly know this person. You’re thinking: “Isn’t it too early to make that kind of commitment?” But, on the other hand, it’s nice to finally be in the company of someone who seems to love you.

All this is done so convincingly that you begin to understand the vision and begin to imagine

Here is an example of how future faking might sound:

You did not go to Paris in the fall? I can’t wait to see what’s around you. I know Paris like the back of my hand. It’s the most romantic city! I have an idea. Let’s make the trip longer and end up in Rome. There is nothing more beautiful than lighting the Tivoli Fountain at night.

How Common Is Narcissistic Future Faking?

Not all people with NPD start planning a full life together after the first date, but it is very common. How common? Well, I hear about it a lot from my dating clients, especially those clients who meet people through dating apps.

It’s common for people to talk about it online and many non-narcissists wonder how careful they will be when their new lover starts planning their future together.

What Is Wrong With Future Faking?

Even when people with NPD don’t consciously try to cheat on their new lover, this kind of early planning often ends badly. Narcissists jump to the deep end very quickly. Narcissists are often quite impulsive and go uncritical of their current feelings without even thinking about it.

Additionally, because narcissists are incredibly self-centered and lack emotional empathy, they aren’t concerned about the possibility of raising unrealistic expectations and then putting you down. The truth is that once they get bored or start figuring out their natural human failings, that will be the end of the relationship.

Narcissists who visit the future will renege on every promise they made to you – including being the date for your cousin’s wedding.

Related: The 7 Types Of Toxic Friends You Should Stay Away From

Why Do Narcissists Engage In Future Faking?

The line between sincerity and hypocrisy is almost invisible to people with NPD. While they are enthusiastically planning a future with you, they may already be feeling genuine. However, they don’t take into account that they should wait before sharing their fantasies about a rosy future with you. They feel free to change their mind at any moment.

When their infatuation fades and they lose interest in achieving plans, they can easily justify a change in their thinking. Here are some of the things narcissists tell me about these situations:

I meant when I said that. It didn’t work out between us. Why do you blame me?

It’s not what I thought it was. You’ve deceived me. I don’t owe him anything.

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