When you’re in a relationship, do you tend to be passive-aggressive and silent when upset, rather than talking about your feelings?
Recognizing behavior flaws such as passive-aggressive communication style in others, especially your partner, is usually easier than admitting your own. Countless people are hostile in negative ways, however, not many of them have an idea that their behavior can be described in this way.
You might be passive-aggressive if you get angry, easily forget to do things for your spouse that you feel bad about, or realize you’re very uncomfortable about getting angry.
If you are passive-aggressive, it will likely harm your marriage and other close relationships.
silent therapy is emotionally abusive
Are you passive-aggressive in your relationship?
What is passive aggressiveness?
Passive aggressiveness manifests as hostility that is not expressed in public, at least not verbally.
Someone may “forget” to do something to someone who holds a hidden grudge against them. Alternatively, he may take a long time to perform such tasks, be constantly late, make faces behind someone’s back, or engage in a variety of other hostile behaviors. In close and intimate relationships such as marriage, one spouse may withhold affection, attraction, and “puff and puff” rather than an outright expression of anger. Instead, the husband will make his partner’s life difficult in another way.
Passive aggressiveness often arises in response to the demands and requests of your partner. Or that you are unhappy about some aspect of the relationship and don’t express it directly.
Read 5 Tips To Manage Stressful People in Your Life
What makes passive-aggressive people?
Often, the display of hostility in an indirect or complex manner stems from childhood. Children who learn that anger is a terrible emotion or are ridiculed when they reveal their temper get the message that showing strong emotions (such as anger) is not openly acceptable.
Children then fail to learn how to adequately express feelings they deem unwanted. Sometimes, even believe that they are incompetent and imagine that they will not be taken seriously if they show anger. On other occasions, they may fear that their anger will provoke anger from someone else, which they will not be able to manage. It is difficult to express anger verbally to these individuals because they do not have the necessary communication skills.
Does this sound like you?
If you think you might be passive-aggressive, don’t panic! This does not make you “flawed”. Showing hostility passively means that you haven’t learned more efficient and effective ways to communicate.
And let’s face it, your behavior doesn’t usually give you what you want.
Read 6 Traits of Emotionally Immature People
Can you change the way you communicate?
Although changing a lifelong habit may not be an easy task, it is certainly possible—and worth the effort—to develop assertive communication skills and learn how to deal with anger effectively and express yourself.
The first step is to recognize the unhealthy behavior you display when you are angry. Every time you feel the need to do similar practices in the future, stop and take stock of your actions. Ask yourself if there are alternative ways in which you can express how you feel that are likely to be helpful and meet your needs more easily.
Telling your partner that you are angry and that what is bothering you is a healthy way to respond.
There are positive ways to do this that do not involve blame. Start by saying how his actions make you feel and, if appropriate, how this behavior is detrimental to your well-being. Avoid yelling, swearing, accusations, and insults at all costs. Instead, start sentences with an “I” and follow with a realistic description of why you feel hurt.
Poor communication styles such as passive aggressiveness are not uncommon because many people act out of their hostility rather than verbal communication at times. However, when doing so is frequent, meaningful relationships – such as your marriage – can slowly unravel and unravel. Learning how to express yourself in constructive ways can rebuild damaged relationships and prevent them from unraveling.
Need help with your assertive communication? As a couples therapist, I do this all the time! Feel free to contact me for help.
For many people, being passive-aggressive is a better option than plunging into a full-on fight. You may feel like withdrawing and not talking about the things that bother you is less draining. But festering feelings can create more problems than before in your relationship. So, instead of staying silent, talk about what hurt or affected you and try to find a solution together.