When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you’re likely to experience some euphoria. Sometimes, they seem to be in tune with your needs, and you’re captivated by their magnetic charm.

You may even convince yourself that they’re kind and caring and that the bad behaviors they display aren’t who they are.

If you’re dealing with a narcissist, it helps to understand that any expression of empathy is just an act. Don’t let the narcissist fool you into thinking they truly care.

Narcissists must learn to fake empathy. Otherwise, they’ll never get what they want from you.

Narcissism and Empathy

When you’re dealing with a narcissist, they may meet the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

This is a legitimate mental health condition that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves.

When people suffer from this disorder, or at least exhibit traits of it, they are unlikely to be capable of genuine empathy.

A lack of empathy is one of the diagnostic criteria for narcissism. Because of their lack of empathy, narcissists have difficulty recognizing the needs and feelings of others.

Related : The Worst Thing About Narcissists: Hiding in Plain Sight

At their core, narcissists believe that vulnerability is a sign of weakness. They don’t care about other people’s feelings and will put on a tough front to make it seem like they’re emotionally unaffected by others.

How Narcissists Fake Empathy

To compensate for their lack of emotional empathy, narcissists must put on a show for you.

They must appear to be kind, caring, and emotionally capable.

If narcissists don’t learn to fake empathy, people won’t want to interact with them. So, they use the tactics below to appear like they care deeply about others.

Mimicry

Narcissists study other people to learn what makes them special. They will learn about your strengths, weaknesses, preferences, and values.

They then mimic your traits to make it seem like they are similar to you. They may claim to like the same things you do, or they may claim to have experienced the same childhood traumas you did.

This makes it seem like the narcissist truly understands you. By mimicking you, the narcissist creates the illusion that they can empathize with you.

Related : Don’t Fall Prey to a Narcissist’s False Promises

By mimicking, the narcissist appears empathetic, and thus, gains your trust. This puts you in the perfect position to become a victim of the narcissist’s exploitation.

Selective Empathy

Narcissists don’t feel true empathy on the inside, but they learn to fake it by observing others. On a cognitive level, they understand that they should have some empathy for those who are suffering.

So, they learn to fake it. They may tell you that they understand how hard it is when you lose a loved one. Or they may express understanding for the stresses you’re facing at work.

Unfortunately, this is all fake, and the narcissist does it because it serves a purpose. By pretending to care about your struggles, the narcissist can get what they want from you.

You’ll notice that narcissists only display empathic traits when they have something to gain from it. They may comfort you when you’re down, but only because they want to ask for a favor.

In this way, the narcissist’s empathy is completely selective. They pretend when they need something from you, but not because they care.

Planning

Since narcissists don’t naturally feel for others, they must learn empathy by observing others.

Over time, they memorize the types of things others say when they show genuine empathy.

When a narcissist needs something from you or wants to gain your trust, they will display superficial displays of empathy.

Related : The Hidden Objectives Narcissists Don’t Want You to Know

This means churning out scripted responses based on how they know they are supposed to act in a given situation.

There is nothing authentic about their scripted responses. They are simply repeating things they have heard others say.

SeeingFakeEmpathy

Falling into a narcissist’s empathy trap will only leave you hurt and filled with regret.

If you fall for their tricks, you will think they are trustworthy and kind. You will give them your heart, only to be disappointed when they continually mistreat you.

Fortunately, the strategies below can help you see through fake empathy.

LookForPatterns

Truly altruistic people will consistently come across as kind, caring, and helpful. They will show empathy even when they have nothing to gain from it.

On the other hand, you will notice that a narcissist only empathizes when they have a vested interest in doing so. For example, they may show extreme kindness to you, before asking you for a big favor.

A narcissist wants to be seen as a kind person, so you may also notice that they tend to show compassion when it brings them positive public esteem.

Some may participate in charitable endeavors to appear generous and selfless.

Analyze the Big Picture

When you look at the narcissist’s other behaviors, it will be easier to see that their compassion is just a facade.

They may be compassionate at times when there is something in it for them. However, that is only part of the story.

Instead of focusing only on the times when they are kind, think about the whole of their personality. What other traits does they have?

A narcissist who is pretending to be empathetic will exhibit some obvious malicious traits.

These include appearing extremely arrogant, being eager to show off their superiority, and demanding excessive admiration and praise.

When you think about the big picture, empathy doesn’t really fit with the narcissist’s other traits. You may even notice that sometimes it’s the exact opposite of empathy.

TrustYourGuidance

After observing a narcissist who is pretending to be empathetic, you may sense that something is wrong. Listen to your gut when this happens.

If something seems off, it probably is. You may feel that the narcissist can’t be trusted, or that they are trying to deceive you.

Pay close attention if your gut tells you that something is wrong. Then, you can evaluate the narcissist’s other behaviors to confirm your suspicions.

Importance of Behaving Carefully

A narcissist may trick you into believing that they are capable of genuine empathy, but they are not.

When you’re fooled by their tactics of faking empathy, you’re more likely to trust them, and you may even commit to a long-term relationship.

Over time, as the narcissist’s darker behaviors emerge, you’ll begin to question everything you once believed. You thought the narcissist was honest and kind, but over time, their cruelty will come to light.

Listen to your gut and assess the narcissist for who they really are. That way, you won’t fall victim to their empathetic facade.

Don’t let occasional displays of kindness fool you into thinking the narcissist is capable of truly caring about you.