Ending a relationship that you thought would stand the test of time, lead forever, is bound to hurt and make you feel helpless. But did you know? If you want your ex back in your life, there are a few things you can do to make that a reality.
It may sound cliched, but the primary relationships we have are the relationships we have with ourselves. However, this does not prevent us from entering into a mutually beneficial and growth-promoting relationship with another individual. We believe that such relationships will help us find peace.
Not all relationships have a happy ending. For several reasons, two people may break up. Some people will eventually recover with the help and support of their friends and family. It is easier to accept the termination of the relationship if it is mutually determined. But when it happens, on the one hand, the other person is bound to feel isolated, rejected, and suffering. Understandably, such abandonment leaves one in a state of complete collapse.
Whatever the reason, getting a former lover back will require one to reflect on their role in the breakup and take the time to address the internal wounds that might lead one to act in dysfunctional ways. Otherwise, one will subconsciously continue to attract the same types of partners.
Here Are 6 Steps To Get Your Ex Back After A Breakup
1) Do not argue about how and why things ended.
The relationship is teamwork. When they work well, it is because of the dedication of both partners to the relationship and if they do not, then both partners also have shared responsibility for the repercussions.
When we are heartbroken, our first instinct is to blame the other person and absolve ourselves of any responsibilities. We never stop thinking and acknowledging our part in the breakup. We can act needy, desperate, clingy, aggressive, or aloof, which may have contributed to the breakup.
If your ex talks about the role you played in the breakup, don’t get defensive and ignore him right away. Give him a hearing for the patient and try to understand where he is coming from.
If what he says has a valid point, admit your mistake and try to correct your behavior. You should be grateful for it and be grateful for the fact that it reflects on you the things that require attention or healing.
Once you work on recovery, you will attract a healthy relationship, whether that means getting back with your ex or finding a new one.
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2) Do not beg or try to convince your partner to come back to you.
Never beg anyone for love, care, or affection. If it is not offered for free, it is not worth getting it. Never try to convince someone to come back to you. It makes you look needy, desperate, and clingy.
If someone truly loves you, they will make room for you in their life. Love cannot be persuaded of manipulation. Your need or desperation can be the biggest deal-breaker in any relationship. When you start to act clingy, your partner can find it stifling and may decide to not only abandon the relationship but also cut you off from his/her life.
Love must be unruly but free. It grows and continues when space is made available. Every human wants to feel free in a relationship. The relationship is about celebrating the freedom to be oneself, without being bound by each other’s ideologies.
If you want to be appreciated and desired by someone, you have to value yourself. Don’t lose your self-respect by longing for anyone’s affection. Let the person see you get the prize that you are. Let him win you. You only deserve the best from him/her.
3) Take accountability for your role in the break-up.
It can be hard to look at your flaws, but no one is perfect. One needs to accept one’s vices and the other similar to their virtues. We all have our share of flaws and shortcomings.
While it’s all too easy to blame the other person for a breakup and move on, until the time we don’t stop and think about our share of the problem, we’ll keep pulling the same kind of situation over and over again. The universe will continue to teach you the same lessons until you learn from them.
4) Let your partner make the first move.
It is the human tendency to place a higher value on what we must work hard for.
Get content in your own company and give them some space to miss you. Instead of calling or texting him during your weak moments, you can call your friends or pursue your hobbies and passions to keep yourself busy and distracted.
When you live your life to the fullest and achieve your goals, you radiate a very strong and confident vibe that attracts loving people to you. Let your ex see you kill your targets and wonder why he/she is not with you. Give them reasons to think about their decisions to leave you.
5) Put yourself first.
The way we treat ourselves sets the tone for how others will treat us. Be careful of the amount of tolerance. You teach them how to treat you. Value your time and energy and spend it wisely.
Even if your partner comes back to you, don’t make the mistake of making him/her the center of your life again. Be friendly and warm but don’t become needy or desperate. Do not indulge in self-blame. Also, allow him/her to acknowledge and deal with the role they played in the breakup.
In the meantime, allow yourself to think about your behavior as well.
6) Get clear on what kind of relationship you want to be in.
Have a clear view of the type of relationship you want to be in. Whether you want an open relationship, a committed relationship, or just a casual one, it should stick with you.
Learn to set your standards and boundaries and don’t lower them to anyone. Don’t become obsessed with steering the relationship in a certain direction by acting as needed or using manipulative tactics.
Let the relationship unfold organically. What is intended for your remains and what does not go away? You have no control over circumstances. You only have control of your actions.